When families think about extended family support around autism, the focus often lands entirely on the autistic child. Grandparents and extended family can play an equally meaningful — and sometimes overlooked — role in supporting siblings specifically.
Siblings Often Need Extended Family Attention Too
It's a common, understandable pattern for grandparents and extended family to focus significant attention and concern on the autistic grandchild, sometimes without realizing that the sibling may be quietly navigating their own difficult experience largely unseen by the wider family. Extended family who make a point of directly engaging with, celebrating, and spending time with siblings — not just asking about their autistic sibling — provide real, valuable support.
What This Can Look Like in Practice
Meaningful sibling-focused extended family support might include: dedicated one-on-one time or outings with a grandparent or aunt/uncle, specifically celebrating a sibling's own achievements and interests (not always in comparison to or overshadowed by their autistic sibling's progress), and simply asking siblings directly about their own lives, school, and interests — not only asking parents for updates on the autistic child.
Helping Grandparents Understand How to Help
If your own parents or in-laws seem unsure how to support a sibling specifically, it can help to name this directly and give concrete suggestions — "It would mean a lot if you took Emma out for ice cream sometime, just the two of you" is more actionable than a general request to "pay attention to the other kids too."
When Extended Family Struggles to Understand Autism Itself
If grandparents or extended family are still working through their own understanding or acceptance of the autism diagnosis, this can sometimes affect how they relate to siblings as well — an extended family member overly focused on "fixing" or worrying about the autistic child may inadvertently give siblings the message that they only matter in relation to their brother or sister's needs. We address navigating these broader family dynamics in How to Talk to Family Members Who Don't Understand Autism.
Grandparents as a Source of Respite and Connection
Beyond emotional support, grandparents and extended family who are willing and able to provide occasional childcare or respite can give parents valuable one-on-one time with each child individually, and give siblings a trusted additional adult relationship of their own, separate from their parents and separate from their role as a sibling.
What to Do If Extended Family Isn't Able to Provide This
Not every family has extended family members who are willing or able to play this role, for all kinds of reasons. If that's your family's situation, it's worth considering other trusted adults — family friends, other parents in your support network — who might be willing to build this kind of dedicated relationship with your other children.
For Mount Pleasant-Area Families
If you're thinking through how to involve extended family in supporting your whole family, including siblings, we're glad to talk through this as part of your broader support conversation. Our Parent & Caregiver Training service is designed around exactly this kind of goal. our in-home ABA therapy in Mount Pleasant page has more information, or Get Started Today to get started.
This article is part of our complete guide, Supporting Siblings of Children With Autism. Clinically reviewed by Kimberly Blazer, BCBA.